Regrets and Reconciliation

It’s been awhile since I shared an experience at the mill as a pro life sidewalk counselor offering love and support. Although this amazing story happened last year, it is always a good thing to share the miracles that often go unnoticed at our local abortion mill.

It was a seemingly uneventful day; Smiling and waving at women and men pulling into the mill , hoping to catch their eye enough to roll down their window and have a quick conversation before the guard waves them in.

A short time later, a woman walking in the gutter as to avoid the sidewalk and my loving signs with adorable baby clothes hanging over the edge, passes by moi and angerly says, “I believe in abortion and a woman’s right to choose.”

I quietly said , “what about the baby’s voice and choice.”

She paused as she glared at my pro life sign and continued, you pro-lifers don’t understand! I have a right it’s my body!”

I knew in my heart she was struggling and trying to justify what may have happened in her past. She continued her rant and I listened. Within a few minutes her voice softened and she began weeping. “ I didn’t want to have the abortion . I had no choice! He made me do it.” She exclaimed between sobs.

I intently listened as she poured out the events of her decision. The affair, the betrayal, and the death of her child on the altar of fear.

I asked how long ago did you lose your child ? She quietly said, “ a long time ago.” Will my baby ever forgive me ? “

“Yes! God will forgive you too! Do you want to pray.” I emphatically shared.

She nodded eagerly . I gave her a hug and I prayed a simple prayer of forgiveness for her tragic decision to abort her child. She wept as she prayed asking God and her child to forgive her.

Would you like to name your baby ? She nodded her head and shared his precious name. I asked her if she would like a baby outfit as a remembrance of this heaven ordained moment. Indeed it was another Miraculous moment on the sidewalk of Planned Murderhood.

This angry pro choice woman 10 minutes ago now had reconciled with God and her child!!

As she walked to her bus stop she looked back at me while clutching her son’s baby outfit tightly. She smiled warmly with her tear stained face and whispered thank you.

Suiting Up and Showing Up in the Shadowlands

Do You REMEMBER when?

It has been a few weeks since January 22nd. That fateful day 48 years ago, where killing the innocent became ”legal” has brought utter travesty and division into our country. Now more than ever, we are a divided states of America. We only hope and pray in our life time this UNJUST LAW will be overturned once and for all with liberty and justice for all. In the words of St. Augustine, ” an unjust law is never a law. Justice for the unborn awaits expectantly.

This tragic day came and passed with little note except in our Pro Life Community. We remember and must never forget the little ones who die daily without notice. The silent screams continue.

I made it over to the mill towards the end of the day with every intention to arrive earlier and be a voice crying out into the wilderness, praying my little seeds of hope might birth fruit while keeping in mind the ever present reality to forget about seeing results of my little efforts and forge ahead with determination to let the light of God’s love pour thru me to these wounded souls who can’t even see or feel the reality of their choices of killing their very own.

It was late in the afternoon when I arrived at the mill with my two dogs. No cars in the parking lot. I sighed a bit of relief and thought, I wish I was not the only one here praying. I said a little prayer to our Lady of Guadalupe and walked across the street to the sidewalk and began walking and praying my Rosary.

Moments later, a car stops with a few people inside and one of the ladies leans out the window, and shouts, “Hi, can we pray with you?”

I was shocked and said, “of course!” A few moments later, 5 people from OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE parish joined me in praying the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet to end abortion on this tragic day in American history. I asked them to come back anytime and pray here. Ironically, this was their first time at the mill praying! I was blessed beyond measure to be surrounded with prayer warriors at the mill and will forever remember their sacrifice of time to suit up and show up at the mill despite fear and uncertainties.

Heroes in the Making

A Gentle Touch…

WORKS OF LOVE ARE WORKS OF PEACE

We will never know how much just a simple smile can do. Mother Teresa.

Vinegar or Honey? Trembling or Posturing? This morning on the feast day of St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, I felt prompted to head over to the mill and be a sign of love and peace. Indeed, she has left an indelible mark of love upon the world. She began her works of love from a place of poverty and emptiness. I am challenged by her saintly life as I ponder all the little ways she showed love and much sacrifice to the least among us.

With high hopes of spreading a bit of love today with my joyful pro life signs and my small furry dogs, I was ready to converse with souls seeking service at Planned Parenthood. Tragically, these wounded souls are quite vulnerable, frightened, and despairing and hide behind a mask of determination and denial of the reality of the growing child within their womb as they pull into the parking lot. Showing up at the sidewalk with a joy filled heart, and smiles is like giving a cup of cold water to a thirsting soul and many miraculous moments have occurred by taking the time to offer help with a gentle and loving touch.

Unfortunately, today was not one of those days I would be able to stand in the gap with smiles and solutions. As I past Planned Parenthood, I was overwhelmed with many pro lifers with their 6′-9′ signs of aborted babies littering the grass in front of the mill. These grotesque signs of aborted babies would make anyone nauseous. I felt deep anger within. I witnessed before leaving, cars zooming in without stopping to engage in a conversation as these posturing pro lifers shouted shaming messages.

I cringed inside and felt like ripping their signs down as this approach is not loving, kind, and certainly not a work of peace. I drove back home feeling angry, discouraged and very sympathetic towards these poor souls having to endure this barrage of bloody images of aborted babies. This counseling approach is like adding salt to an open wound and only serves to point out the hypocrisy of these passionate pro lifers who truly believe they are helping souls choose life thru these horrific images of aborted children.

All of heaven weeps. No meaningful dialog will rarely occur as these fearful souls hit the gas pedal and quickly turn into the parking lot with the guard waving them inside. Unrelenting, like a lion with a prey insight, the hysterical pro life agitators continues her shaming rant as the woman and man walk into the mill.

Ironically, last week I experienced what many of these abortion minded women experience from pro lifers who are not intent on listening and loving and being a sign of love and hope with a gentle spirit of peace to these wounded souls.

As I stopped by to pray and offer counsel with my few signs of love, a young woman stopped her car and yelled obscenities at me while giving me the bird. She was attempting with the same passion of these pro lifers to change my mind and shame me. I kept praying and did not engage her. She eventually left. However, within 15 minutes she returned with a friend and continued harassing, threatening, and mocking me. Their judgmental and harsh words were yelled at me with a demeaning and arrogant tone and with an air of superiority. I kept my head down and did not say a word. After 10 minutes of ranting and carrying on, they left.

After today’s experience of witnessing these perhaps well meaning pro lifers yelling and screaming , I thought, where’s the love and peace? I prayed, Lord have mercy on us. As people of the light, we often act and look like people of the dark. God save us from falling into self righteousness and forgetting we must first encounter the one who is PERFECT LOVE incarnate. I recall the words of St. Paul to the Corinthians. “I came to you in weakness and much trembling”, not with an air of superiority. We must become all things to all people that we might win a few with much humility and with a tender and gentle heart. Honey with a touch of vinegar, in our feeble attempts to bring about conversion and conversation from the heart while sharing our love for these women and men caught in the cancel culture web of abortion lies.

God help us not be clodhoppers in our attempts to save souls. We beg you, deliver us from a spirit of superiority and pride while knowing the log is always in our eye.

It is not what we do, but how much love we put into it. Mother Teresa

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DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?

Back in July of 2019 while getting ready to leave the mill, it was yet another uneventful day, I took a pic of my signs. Much to my surprise a few hours later while strolling thru my pics, I exclaimed, “What is that smudge to the right of the pic?”  SEE PHOTO ABOVE

I looked closely and it appears to me to be a silhouette  of the Blessed Mother, complete with a touch of her blue sleeve as she gazes upon the sign, “IT’S A BLACK & WHITE ISSUE! While sifting thru the my draft blogs this afternoon, I realized I never posted this photo.  Here it is, almost a year later.

I hope this miraculous photo blesses you as it has blessed me over the year. Let’s continue to pray our rosaries for the end of abortion in season and out of season.

 

 

THE SILVER LINING

The other day, actually it was the FEAST OF ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, I felt prompted to visit my local abortion mill after morning Mass . Ironically, during this COVID  plandemic crisis, Planned Parenthood continues to murder children every day with masked parents and employees protecting themselves from this evil virus while not protecting and caring for the child within.

 When I arrived on this seemingly uneventful day, I prayed and ask St. John in honor of his birthday, to save a child from abortion.  Over the years, I have indeed seen plenty of miracles, but most of the time, it is a very painful hour or two pleading from the  cracks in the sidewalk and offering literature as well as a listening and caring  heart.

With the guards sometimes two or three poised at the entrance to the parking lot with their Colt 45 on their hip in plain view, it can be a bit intimidating.  I  know the rules as I have been on the sidewalk offering help and assistance for over ten years. Sometimes, I attempt to enthusiastically engage these stern guards with warm smiles and greetings. Tragically,  these men  are being used as willing pawns to assist the agenda of PP.  Determined to do their job well with their cold and detached heart, is their script they are to follow towards those who are praying on the sidewalk.  They closely watching my every move and I watch their every move as well.  It can be daunting as they try to step in to block me from speaking with the driver and passenger as they  quickly motion the cars forward.

Even if I can’t catch every car, my loving and sometimes direct signs,( like the one above) will grab the hearts of the abortion minded men and women. I also hang adorable new baby outfits from my signs to tug at their hearts. Who can resist a cute baby outfit?

I sprinkled holy water the length of the sidewalk in front of PP, as I carried my pamphlets along with my rosary . I prayed and groaned within as I gazed upon the sea of cars in the parking lot. I remembered. It was Wednesday, second tri semester abortions on this day.

I prayed within, Dear Lord, please move in the hearts of these women and men. I raced back and forth as cars poured into the parking lot. On this day, the guard did not block me from stopping cars and sharing with the drivers.  I kept praying and pleading as couples walked in and walked back out. I could see from the distance, there were COVID signs on the glass door.  I thought, what are they doing?  Did they have a change of heart? I soon realized that they were asked to go back to their cars and wait as it was “safer” then waiting inside the possible COVID environment. There were approximately 7 couples waiting for their abortion  in their hot car with  windows rolled down. I began sharing and pleading from my heart. “I have resources for you! ” Your baby wants to live!   I prayed and asked all of heaven to pray and change the hearts of these couples. I continued to plead to these waiting couples inside their car.

About 20 minutes later, a car backs out and slowly rolls to the exit driveway. The window was still down.  I caught the gaze of this precious and courageous  young woman perhaps 18 or 19 with her black boyfriend driving the car. With a soft voice, she told me,  “I can’t do it. I changed my mind.”

I exclaimed, “Praise God, thank you for choosing life.”  I gave her the directions to our local pro life clinic and a baby boy’s infant outfit and said, if you have a boy, please consider naming him John. She smiled warmly.

“I will pray for you both. God has special plans for your family. Thank you for choosing life”!  I eagerly told her as the car zoomed away.

Less than a minute after she left, another car backs out and exits the drive way. This young Hispanic couple stopped and I asked her already knowing in my heart, she chose life for her child,   I asked gently,  “you chose life for your child?”

She firmly said with a sparkle in her eye, ” yes, I am keeping my baby.”  Thank you for being here.”

I raced over to grab the last baby dress I had hanging on one of my signs. She gratefully said thank you and clung to the baby dress as if her child was already wearing it.  I treasured  this  precious memory of seeing her clutch the floral baby dress against her chest.  It was indeed another  miraculous moment.  Two children saved from the mill, minutes apart!

After the cars drove away, I broke out in praise and thanksgiving and shared the good news with the guard. He witnessed it all and said nothing. This guard could have as he has done in the past, pushed these cars away and I would have not been able to interact with these couples who chose life. On this day, the angels kept him quiet and still.

INDEED, THE COVID CLIMATE  HAD BECOME A SILVER LINING on this particular hot summer day. This surreal virus surprisingly gave me one more chance to plead from my heart for the lives of these children in the womb while their parents relaxed in their cars listening to my pleas with windows rolled down, as the waited to be texted  by the receptionist  to go inside the mill and kill their child.

Thanks be to God to both these young brave men and women who heard my pleas from my heart and chose life!  Thank you Saint John for interceding for me on your Feast Day!

As I gathered my signs and left shortly after,  I am forever reminded never to forget  all the children that die at these mills daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. The numbers are staggering over 65 million children murdered since ROE VS WADE.

I hope for all of you who read my blog of remembering the miracles that sometimes happen on the sidewalk at this Planned Parenthood, you will dearly hold these aborted children close to your hearts  always.

Dear innocent ones,  we pray for you and the conversion of your parents who ended your precious life.  Please pray for us as you are indeed holy martyrs. We yearn for our heavenly reunion with all of you where the sting of death will be no more and love grows forever more. 

Come Lord Jesus Come and deliver us from the horror and scourge of abortion throughout our world. 

Harold Jr.

 

It’s been quite sometime since I have written about my experiences at the mill. MIA CULPA… MIA CULPA… Perhaps 10 months or even a bit longer. No excuse except the usual. Busy with being busy doing life as I am in yet another transition. If anyone is out there in blog land reading my journal of sorts, please PRAY for my willingness to share the miraculous moments at SIDEWALKHELP.COM. When those unexpected moments of glory happen, it truly is a holy and heavenly touch from above.

I am certainly not short of miracles at the mill this past year. Mia Culpa, once again,  perhaps, because we are in the season of Lent, I need to offer up my efforts of writing about my experiences at my local Planned Parenthood in hopes that others might break thru their own fears of hitting the sidewalk and show up and at least BE that necessary JOYFUL  face and SIGN OF HOPE in the midst of the despair and tragedy as the cars roll into the Planned Parenthood parking lot. These women and men are desperately seeking to make it quick and painless as they seek an easy solution for their unwanted pregnancy hoping for a drive thru abortion moment,  either with that 2 day pill or the quick drop off as the boyfriend and/or husband  with a few squirmy kids in the backseat oblivious to the reality of mom rushing into the Planned Parenthood mill to kill their brother or sister as the unexpected pregnancy has become a strangely inconvenient reality for the family’s  narcissistic lifestyle.

When I am confronted with this reality on a weekly basis while counseling women and men from the sidewalk against the backdrop of unheard  silent screams, I plead from my heart from the weeds and cracks in the sidewalk, “I have FREE resources for you! Abortion does not take away motherhood or fatherhood! You will still be a mother or father grieving the death of your child.” 

During one of my  pleas from my heart earlier this week, I met Harold and Harold Jr. As I walked back and forth with my literature praying my rosary quietly waiting for the next car to pull in, Harold briskly left the patio area of the abortion mill, decorated with picnic tables and umbrellas, while fathers, and loved ones wait for their beloved as their child is being murdered within the house of horror.  Harold reached the sidewalk and spoke passionately to me, “Miss, I am not one of them. I wanted my child, he died in the womb at 5 months and now we have to do this procedure. ”

I shared my heart of sorrow over his loss and wept and prayed with him. I said, “All of heaven is sorrowing with you and he will be with The Father soon.”

He felt comforted and proudly told me that his grandfather had 23 children and he doesn’t believe in abortion under any condition.  I continued to listen to him and offer him healing prayers and literature. I asked him if he and his wife had named their child yet.

He said,” Oh yes named after me. Harold Jr.”

 I said, Harold Jr. truly knows how much he is loved by you and his mother.  I prayed with him and asked him if he would like his child to be baptized by desire.  We prayed together and baptized his sweet son Harold Jr. I felt a prompting to ask him to get his precious son’s remains.

He said, absolutely!

I prayed again for our Lord to move in the heart of Planned Parenthood workers to release Harold Jr. little body for a proper burial.  

Shortly thereafter, he went inside the Planned Parenthood and about 20 minutes later came out and exclaimed from his rolled down car window with great joy , Our prayer was answered! They are giving me his body and I am to return at 2 pm to pick up my wife and child.” 

He was off to Hobby Lobby to find a small wooden box, he told me excitedly.

I said, I know our Christian Catholic Community will happily give your son a proper burial. Would you like a graveside memorial for your son? 

Harold exclaimed, “I would love that!”

I  asked him curiously, “What day would have Harold been born on? ”

He said,” in July.”

I said, “really, what day?”

He said, “July 27th!”

I cried out in surprise and joy, “That is my birthday!  Wow.. I will always hold him in my heart.”

He was very touched and said a prayer of praise to God for the God incidence.

We exchanged cell numbers and he asked  me to text him with updates and the photo of the little baby casket I would order with his son’s name on it.  He would be back promptly at  2pm  to pick up his wife and their child’s remains. In that short time, I ordered the baby casket and made arrangements for the burial and as well as texting him with updates. I thanked God for the miracle of a proper burial for this little child would be buried next to other aborted and miscarried babies in a near by cemetery.

2 pm arrived. I texted him letting him know I am here and ready to help him and his wife. 2:30 pm arrives. No Harold. I call. I text again.  No response.

I questioned myself,  what happened?   Did his wife talk him out of it? Would sweet Harold  have a proper burial? Did Planned Parenthood talk his wife out of taking her child’s remains and giving their son a proper burial?

Sadly, I will never know this side of heaven. I wept within. The casket arrived yesterday with his  name on it:  Harold Jr.  This sweet soul truly knows he was deeply loved ever so briefly this side of heaven and he will be forever remembered  in our hearts even if he was  not given a proper burial by his parents perhaps because of  fear and uncertainty.

Dearest  Harold Jr. you are now with us in our hearts where ever we go. The sting of your tragic death has been swallowed up by Jesus because of  His great love for us.  A holy Mass was said for you sweet dear one on this  7th day of March in the year 2020 .All of heaven  and our Dear Blessed Mother rejoices and gladly welcomes you home where the sting of death indeed is no more! 

“O Death, where is thy Sting? O grave where is thy Victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” I Corinthians 15:55

Indeed it was just another day at the mill, where the light of God’s grace showered upon Harold and Harold Jr. in the midst of the innocent blood being shed and sold to the highest bidder. God have mercy and come Lord Jesus come!

INTERSECTIONS

It was NOT just another day at the mill last week. As I pulled my car into the parking lot next door, I was shocked but not shocked to see a fire truck. I began praying and sticking my baby signs on the public grass area. Lord have mercy! Please help! I pleaded within.  In all the  years I have been on the sidewalk, I have never witnessed, a scene such as I was beholding. Shortly thereafter, an ambulance arrived.  I wondered about all the possibilities and of what happened to this poor soul who thought she might have a simple procedure and destroy her child. I also prayed for all the women inside who were witnessing this unfolding event, hoping perhaps they might walk out. Most women do not have any idea of the serious emotional health risks when undergoing an abortion such as increase guilt and regret, dreams about your dead child, hearing your baby cry at night and not to mention the feelings of helplessness and repressed anger and depression.

I continued to watch and pray. Shortly thereafter, an ambulance arrived. A few people walked out of the clinic, to make way for the gurney and paramedics. It was surreal to say the least! It was impossible to park in the lot as it was blocked. As cars tried to pull in, I used this emergency to inform these men and women, that there is not only is a child being killed inside, that you might also end up losing your life!

A woman completely covered by a sheet was rolled down the death plank as many onlookers stared. I gasped, “oh know, she must be DEAD!” I prayed and prayed. The urgency of these medics was minimal. The fire engine left shortly after the ambulance. I ran over and asked the driver, did someone die today?  No, she emphatically stated with little emotion.

I curiously asked, “Why was she covered up?”

She said in a Joe Friday tone, “She didn’t want anyone to see her.”

As the truck pulled away, I pondered her words. This poor soul, looking to end the life of her child felt shame and embarrassment . Why now? Why didn’t she cover up going in? Perhaps, this moment would be a beginning for a true healing of her soul from the tragedy of yet another abortion in our disposable society.  I pray for all post abortive women who will spend the rest of their lives never quite recovering from the loss of their child (ren) on the altar of self centered-ness. Indeed, there is hope after abortion and I pray that these women will find a place of recovery.  Rachel’s Vineyard is that place with support and grief recovery for all involved in this terrible tragedy and plague in our communities worldwide. Visit http://www.hopeafterabortion.com.

Post Script. The INTERSECTION

I work in Real Estate. I received a text lead from a buyer last Monday. I wasn’t too thrilled by the lead as the buyer was fishing for info on a property he already had submitted an offer through another Realtor.  I called anyway and offered to find out about his offer and help him out as he seemed to really want this home.  He said, his Realtor wasn’t returning his calls.  He asked me if I might help him find some other homes just in case this one did not work out.  He was super busy with his work and his girlfriend would be meeting with me and previewing homes. I said, no problem! Happy to help.

Last evening I met this young Asian couple! Super sweet and eager to be a homeowner. They were the ideal candidate with a 20 percent down payment.

After knocking on the door of the last home , we were asked to wait 30 minutes to see it as the owner was not home yet. They were eager to wait. During the 30 minute wait , I asked questions about their life in China under the one child per family policy . They said , it has changed now , but most families still do not trust the government and will abort their second child out of fear. I asked if they like movies… and I shared about UNPLANNED, the movie as this film gives insight into the raw reality of the abortion industry in America.

They wanted to hear more about the film . I showed them the trailer and shared about my work on the sidewalk . I clicked on my photo images and quickly scrolled through to share a bit more about my work in front of Planned Parenthood . The woman looked intently at my photos as I scrolled thru quickly and she exclaimed, “Wait , go back! What is that ? An ambulance ?? ”

I said yes!  “Last week a woman came out of the abortion mill covered up as she had been seriously injured while having her abortion.”

She said , “I was inside with my sister she was aborting her child as she already had 2 children and didn’t want another! We witnessed all the commotion and saw her being wheeled out. My sister was so scared she almost did not have her abortion! ”

I said, “how tragic and ironic! I was there at the same time! I will pray for your healing All of heaven weeps.”

She quietly received my words and seemed quite stunned at the turn of events.

I wept within. If only I had been their earlier that day. God have mercy on us.

Now they truly know that abortion kills a child after I witnessed the truth in love of what abortion is . They truly seemed to receive it in their hearts as this house seeking couple seemed quite shocked at the irony that I was there at the same time as this woman had been there with her sister…..a truly miraculous INTERSECTION of our lives last week!

They gratefully received the pro life information including healing from an abortion pamphlet . I also shared a bit about my journey of faith and the love of God pouring out to hurting mankind thru His only Son .

Yes, we did see the house shortly there after. It was not their cup of tea , but perhaps by the grace of God , I gave them a glimpse of their eternal home and desire to never harm an unborn child in the womb again.

Truly it was a holy unplanned moment birthing hope in the tragedy of yet another child killed on the altar of Planned Parenthood ‘s agenda.